Not Da Mama

Had too much time on our hands...

Shoebox Poems #7

Dedicated 2U

Could you ever touch me?
Could you ever feel me?
Could you ever kiss me?
Could you ever hold me?

Care again! Love again!

Please come back to us,
You are all of the above!

Shoebox Poems #6

~Part 3~
Love me like you used to
(Complete my empty soul)
Love me like you care
(I want you back 10-fold)

You looked through a window
(I swore I'd never show)
My self-imposed wall crumbled
(Left in shambles below)

Love and intimacy in the form of graffiti
Heartfelt fantasy now made a reality.

Everyday I realize your truth.

Shoebox Poems #5

~Part 1~
Just stop it.
Stop your lies and your deceit!
Stop your shit and your greed!

No more hate; No more cries
No more screams; No more goodbyes

Quit the calling
Quit the denial (I see it!)
Quit the following
Quit the trials (I feel it!)

Be a man - Show me your true colors!
...they're fading gray with these troubles.

RESPECT ME!


~Part 2 ~
Love opened my mind with a blindfold
Making me strong - Heart and soul!

I left you alone (so dark and cold)
I left you in shambles (pieces are sold)

I was your Sunshine: your Morning Light.
You were my Darkness; my Fearful Night.

Powerful together in this great Universe
Beautiful no more, the star has burst

Move on and be whole again!
Don't search life with pain!

The hurt is too much (I'm brought to my knees)
"This too will pass" (the future is foreseen)

I have loved you more than I could fathom
Yet you have left me overcome with sadness...

Shoebox Poems #4

Date Unknown (rev.6/09)

They said I was crazy,
I said I was in love.

I pretend nothing (feeling everything)
I wanted to see him, now and forever...

They said I was blind,
I said I was in love.

I hear him softly (faintly mistaken)
I felt his heart like no one else could...

They said they're worried,
I said I was in love.

A victim of ignorance (growing pains)
Hopeful dreams that would never come true.

Thoughts From The Dali Lama

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When your realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Open your arms to change but don't change your values.
9. Spend some time alone everyday.
10. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
11. In disagreement with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
12. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
13. Be gentle with the earth.
14. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
15. Remember the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exveeds your need for each other.
16. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
17. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandonment.
18. Remember that silence s sometimes the best answer.

Inspiration..

Ispiration comes in many forms.. whenever i feel like i've had more than i can handle i stop and reflect on the others around me.. i think about their own struggles and mine really aren't any more difficult than theirs. the only differences are the circumstances..

i've done a lot of complaining about my own problems and i thank you ladies for listening and understanding.. but now when i reflect, i feel as though i shouldn't have acted as though it were the end of the world. i'm not the only person to go through what i'm going through, and let's face it... my problems are not all that 'special'... i'm not the first, and i won't be the last.. but i've learned quite a lesson over the past 4 years.. am i scorned?? sometimes i feel like i am and i'd like to change that. i don't want to take every bad thing that has happened to me and make the next in line suffer because of someoneelse's foul doings.

it's not going to take a miracle to get over this.. i just need to build a bridge to my future to get over my fucking past..

Call the Po-Po HO!!

ARGH! Just when I think that maybe the person that I married wasn't a complete tool... he proves my point why I knew better than to trust a word that comes out of that loosers mouth!

I got my Mother's Day gift a day early! I was visited by San Diego's Finest this afternoon.. My ex called the cops for suspected child abuse.. OH yeah baby!! the police arrived to inspect the little ones and were filled in on the case and just giggled and told me there is nothing to worry about.. my kids have the same amount of bruises as any other 2 and 3 year olds they've seen, even their own..

I guess that means all the fighing is not over.. :) WEEEEE!!

sorry for the rant, but hey.. if there is anyone out there who'd listen, i know it'd be my girls.. LOVE YOU!

(this pissed me off so badly, i even turned down my little indian fuck toy!!)

My First "Pow-Wow"... OH WOW!

My first little Indian Boy.. Oh! where is one to start?? I still have a shit eating grin that even the stresses of my personal divorce drama can't wipe away...

I was with my girl Tattle for a little b-day party, for someone I don't know, and the party was winding down and we headed off to the big Tee-Pee for a little after-party fun. It was quiet and relaxing on the soft down-stuffed couch when out of the blue this extra adorable young man took a seat with his head in my lap.. I had noticed him earlier that evening lookin extra delicious but didn't really think too much of it... i was just there to have a good time..
He grabed my hands and we sat in awkward silence, and then got to know one another.. OMG he's 20 years old! (a little bit of doubt set in, but hey, what the heck, let's see what happens) a little chit chat and after a bit i get this kiss that was out of the blue and OMG soooooooo lucious and delicious.. I never thought about making out on a couch with a room full of onlookers.. OH WELL!
more idle banter back and forth and then i had to use the ladies room, he walked me there and closed the door and let me be in peace.. when i opened the door there he was waiting and took my hand and shoved me into a dark little corner where his lips felt so sweet and my hands and body did a little wandering of their own.. OMFG, what was throbbing in his pants was more than a handful and i could tell eager to get out of it's hiding place...
Still me, feeling shy, i wandered away from the corner, he followed and we moved on to another part of the house... the infamouse 'haircut bathroom'.. LMFAO! he said he was feeling adventurous and I think my own curiosity got the better of me.. Fumblling around like teenagers a bit, his hands went up my skirt and he began to work his skilled fingers soaking my black lace thong.. after a bit i couldn't take it anymore and he slid his fingers deep inside, i almost came right there.. and almost like a pro, he un hooked his belt and button of his pants and they dropped to the floor and within seconds i was holding something hot and hard in my hand and was eager to feel him inside me.
balanced on the counter of the bathroom not one second was wasted and he grabbed me and held me and he was in. OMFG! Where did this sexxy young creature come from and how did I end up in the bathroom with him!?!? Who the FUCK CARES! It felt tooooo damn good to worry about the details.. the curve was just right and he totally knows how to make a woman moan and in seconds i totally forgot where we were and how old he was..
We lost track of time and we were both sweaty from all the action, I asked if we could move to another room, something without toothpaste on the counters and soap scum build up EVERYWHERE! LOL
we made it to a quiet place where we got fully naked and fully into just FUCKING. he had me doggie style and i was loving every second..we switched around a bit and i had him fuck me while I was flat on my stomach and legs crossed the heat and friction had me cumming in no time and with in a few minutes i could tell he could no longer hold back.. his body tensed up and his breathing became shallow and i heard the sexxiest groan and then felt every HOT drop of his juices deep inside me and i wiggled a bit to get him as deep inside as possible as i came all over his fucking cock. we were both spent and as i got up my whole body was shaking.. I hadn't been fucked like that in YEARS and it is definately something to write home about, hence this blog!!!
he has me daydreaming about this sexcapade often and honestly i can't wait to get back for some more action, LOL.

I just got fucked the KUMEYAAY way. lmfao.

CANcancer Update

Purchase the Can Cancer shirt on www.nesianclothing.com.



ENJOY!

Hiiii Everyone! Well, hows abouts an update. si?

I've moved into my new apt.. eh hum... I mean, WE moved into OUR new apt. ;) It's smaller than our last, but better. I have a great view and so far, we're finding it very easy to cozy ourselves in for the next few months. It's gonna be a chill ass summer, Texas style.

My man just returned back from tour a lil over a week ago. He flew home a day early and suprised me roses in tow and all! sooo dreamy. He was gone almost 8 wks and I missed him so. It was good though because we both got a chance to think and see if this is something we truly wanna continue. I'm happy to say we're heading into year number 2 and things are slowly getting easier. For the first time say that I have RESPECT for the man I'm with. I think I've met my match girls...

I've been practicing a clutter free lifestyle. I got rid of all kinds of shit in my move. I sat there sometimes confused as to how I accumulated sooo much bs. Luckily, it's all gone and ya know, it's true what they say... Your mind can't be at rest when you have chaotic settings. I feel a million times better and now I can focus what real. I'm 23 now. Time to live.

Well, life moves forward and after the last few shitty years... I'm ready to just chill, relax and enjoy what life has in store for me. I guess there's a mysterious contentment that comes with accepting things. I hope that you all know how much I miss you. I think of you often and smile...

What You CAN Do

Support the Family, Support the Cause!






www.NesianClothing.com

My Personal Battle

Psoriasis is a highly visible, non contagious, long lasting skin disease affecting both men and women and appears on the skin in the form of red scales that can sometimes be very itchy.

The most common form, i.e. plaque psoriasis, appears as raised, red patches or lesions covered with a silvery white buildup of dead skin cells, called scale.

While the itchiness and pain can be unpleasant, some of the worst effects of psoriasis is emotional. Sufferers of psoriasis sometimes feel self-conscious, isolated and depressed.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a cure. But there are several effective treatments that can help keep the condition under control.
Psoriasis is not contagious but can be inherited. There are different types of the condition but the majority of all cases are plaque psoriasis.



Guttate Psoriasis
• Affects children, teenagers and young adults.
• Often appear after a bacterial infection such as strep throat.
• Red, scaly, round spots on the skin.
• Usually over the abdomen, arms, legs and scalp.
• May go away without treatment in a few weeks.

Causes Of Psoriasis
• Experts are not sure what exactly causes psoriasis.
Psoriasis of the skin and nails may look like a rash or fungus, but you can’t catch it from another person. You also can’t give it to anyone else or spread it from one part of your body to another by touch.
• Statistics show that about one-third of people who have psoriasis have one or more family members with the condition. It is therefore likely that psoriasis is inherited. However, it is believed that genetic factors alone do not determine whether you develop psoriasis.
• Although psoriasis usually appears as a skin condition, recent discoveries show that its real cause is a problem with the immune system. This is because increased numbers of white blood cells are present between the abnormal layers of skin and because psoriasis responds to drugs that suppress the immune system.

Psoriasis Treatment Options
Psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis have no cure, but many different therapies can reduce, or nearly stop their symptoms. No single treatment works for everyone, but something is likely to work in most cases.

Topical Treatments
Normally applied directly to the skin, slow down or normalize excessive cell reproduction and reduce inflammation associated with psoriasis.

Phototherapy
Involves exposing the skin to wavelengths of ultraviolet light under medical supervision. Present in natural sunlight, ultraviolet B (UVB) penetrates the skin and slows the abnormally rapid growth of skin cells associated with psoriasis.
This form of treatment can be used by adults and children, and can be effective used aloe or in combination with other treatment options.

Systemic Treatment
Psoriasis that is resistant to topical treatment and phototherapy is treated by medications that are taken internally by pill or injection. This is called systemic treatment. Patients undergoing systemic treatment are required to have regular blood and liver function tests because f the toxicity of the medication.

Alternative Therapy
Balneothrapy, or water based treatments involving natural thermal springs, hot springs, mineral water or seawater, is widely used throughout Europe and Asia. Climatotherapy is a term used to describe the combination of natural sunlight and water, such as the ocean or other bodies of water to treat psoriasis.

Preventing Psoriasis
Unfortunately, there is no way to prevent psoriasis but here are ways you can improve your symptoms or help reduce the number flare-ups:
• Keep your skin moist and lubricated.
• Avoid cold, dry climates.
• Avoid scratching and picking skin and skin injuries (cuts or scrapes).
• Avoid stress and anxiety.
• Avoid infections such as strep throat, especially in children.
• Try to avoid certain medication including beta blockers and lithium.
• Limit your alcohol intake.
• Don’t smoke.

Change of Plans

So after speaking to one of the most influential people in my career right now, and getting some much needed advice my moving plans have changed.  Instead of moving to LA right off the bat, I am going to move to San Diego.  WOW I cant believe Im actually saying that, truthfully I thought that was the last place I would move because I had my heart set on LA, but I was told that the San Diego Paul Mitchell school would be the best place for me to finish my schooling once I get out there due to the owner and the people he brings in to help teach.  So, the plan is move to San Diego for 6 months and finish school, and then go up to LA.  The other thing that has changed is my girl isnt moving out there with me anymore, I cut the bitch off lol.....  However, Sean still is!!!  Cant wait to see everyone!!!!

So for our "Tale Trip" in August maybe we could still do it in LA and all pitch in and get a Hotel or something!

Class Begins August 15th!

Ive tenatively set the date of our first adventure for August 15th, a Saturday. I was thinking we could make a weekend out of it and do something fun on Friday and have the main event on Saturday. How about either paintballing or go-cart racing and dinner Friday? I say sky diving Saturday and Sunday a BBQ at the beach? What ya say girls? FairyTales will be here for a week or so already so maybe our fun could occur in the LA area?! Feedback! Feedback!

Tales101

Oh and so wtf is up with our annual TalesTrip?

Let's get it together ladies.

what's the criteria?

cheap(ish)

outdoorsy? artsy? glam? historical?

suggested locations/events/dates???

I think we can agree as long as we can't possible die due to avoidable circumstances it's open for game. Yes? lol

psychodelic yo'

It's a Marijuana Nation: Support the Change

Lots of Pothead friendly movies. People being more open to the idea and the hyper-sensitivity fading.The buzzbuzz all in the news. Stoner Pride.

THE HIGH

By Mikki Norris with Chris Conrad. Originally written for a display at the Hash-Marijuana-Hemp Museum of Amsterdam

The cannabis "marijuana" or hash high is different for each person depending on the particular details of conditions, setting, timing, state of mind, and the variety of cannabis used. Although cannabis is generally pretty benign, nothing is always safe and fun for everyone in every situation. This includes cannabis. Comfortable surroundings and good judgement are advised.

Smoked or vaporized cannabis is felt within seconds of being inhaled. It's peak effect is from 15 minutes to a half hour in duration, followed by a steep decline that levels off and wears away in 2 to 4 hours. People can smoke it in hand-rolled cigarettes, called "joints" or "spliffs," a variety of pipes, or water pipes ("bongs"). A new technology in the form of "vaporizers" is enabling people to consume the resin containing THC through heating it short of burning the plant matter to eliminate harms that come with smoking material.

Eaten cannabis is not felt at first. It is a good idea to wait and see for an effect after a suggested dose, before eating more. In a half-hour to an hour, the initial effect is felt, and that can be abrupt and powerful. It maintains a relatively stable level and drops off in 4 to 6 hours. Intensity depends on dosage and metabolism. But if you don't know yours, be prepared to lie down and rest for a while, if necessary. Fresh air, fresh juice, and gentle reassurances are the best things if you consume too much.

Based in part on observations from the book, High Culture, by William Novak (The Cannabis Institute of America, Inc., 1980.)

THE ENHANCER

Cannabis use can increase focus and concentration making a person's moods, sensations, and experience seem more intense. Your heart may feel like its pounding, the music is fantastic, this is the best dessert you've ever eaten and, wow, get a load of how beautiful nature is. The problem is that if you're concentrating on something that's negative, you can intensify that feeling, as well. Fortunately, something else will come along and distract you with another thought to pursue, if you so choose. And if your fleeting idea feels like the answer to the world's problems, please write it down. It's profundity might escape you later, but it will feel good if it turns out you're right.

MEMORY

Marijuana does not appear to affect actual memory. You still remember your name and address, parents, childhood, and whatever you've learned along life's highways and byways. Cannabis can be a memory trigger, which means that the experience is likely to remind the user of things that s/he has associated with cannabis in the past. There is some historical evidence that it's even been helpful for some seniors to retain or recover memories and recognition.

A short-term memory interruption is common, however. A speaker may lose track of what he was saying just a moment ago. This effect is temporary while high and does not impact memory in general. It is really a fleeting distraction, and the description is misleading, because "short term memory" refers to thoughts that have not formed into memory yet. It's like the moment before you begin to type at your computer; you haven't hit the keys yet, so there is nothing to save. But if you reconstruct what led up to the idea, you will probably think of it again.

IS CANNABIS AN ESCAPE?

Most people consider cannabis to be an experience enhancer rather than an escape device. If you feel good, it may make everything seem even better. When some people feel down or depressed, smoking seems "inappropriate" and they might get more into their problems. But, many report that it may lead to a new understanding or perspective on a problem, helping to resolve it and lift one's mood. It has been extremely helpful to people with terminal illness, helping them shake off depression and live out their remaining time with dignity and relatively good cheer.

For some people it is definitely an escape, but whether that is good or bad depends on the way that it is used. If it allows perspective and insight, that is good; if it is an avoidance mechanism, that is not a good use of cannabis. This is where the concepts of sensible and responsible adult use apply.

INSIGHTS AND CREATIVITY

People often get a new perspective on a familiar scene or problem, a seemingly profound thought or burst of creativity. There is a sense of awe, revelation and realization. Stoned insights tend to fall into three categories: 1) A deeper recognition or understanding of an already known truth or perception; 2) A new way of looking at something; 3) Playful fantasies and ideas.

It can result in uncontrollable giggling about silly ideas, or a burst of complex insights, such as when Carl Sagan solved a physics equation while "under the influence." It can draw on the appreciation of a hitherto overlooked phenomenon, or reveal profound metaphoric relationships that apply to one's own life. It can separate the consumer from the immediacy of life and lead to a more balanced perspective of their own situation. The possibilities are limitless because each set and setting is unique, and therefore capable of new ways of looking at things. That's spontaneous mental generation.

JUDGEMENT

Unlike alcohol intoxication, people who feel the effect of cannabis are aware of that fact and tend to moderate their behavior accordingly. For example, most people prefer not to drive when high since they know that their perceptions are somewhat altered even when not impaired. There is an effect wherein you may experience a feeling that you are simultaneously observing your own actions with an objective eye at the same time as you do the action, giving a new sense of perspective. At the same time, certain experiences may be infused with a new sensibility, such as "how can people go out and get drunk like that? I'm glad I chose cannabis instead." Just don't get judgemental about it. Many people report that cannabis makes them more open-minded and tolerant of diversity.

TIME

Your pulse speeds up a bit, so the count of heartbeats may give you the sense that more time has elapsed than actually has. The external measurement of time appears to pass more slowly, as well. For example: you may feel like an hour has gone by but when you look at a clock it might only have been ten minutes. You may look at a clock repeatedly and still not keep track of what time it is. Events seem to unfold more slowly, allowing more detailed observations and reactions. Several ideas may occupy the same moment, or thoughts may pass so rapidly that you don't even try to keep up, just observe the passage. Wow, is that still the same song playing as a while ago? That's one long song. And if you're driving, you might find yourself driving below the speed limit and letting everyone else pass.

SEX

Most people who've experienced it think that cannabis makes sex better. Some even consider it a mild aphrodisiac. It tends to increase sexual pleasure as it may lower inhibitions, slow down time, induce relaxation, make people more aware of touch and senses, and helps to focus on the present moment. Orgasms may not be more intense, but the experience may seem more sensual. There's a sense of deeper appreciation for the ambiance such as candlelight, visual aesthetics and music. More imaginative approaches may be explored, but that does not remove the individual's responsibility or judgement for practicing safe sex and proper use of condoms.

PHYSICAL EFFECTS

All these effects are temporary. Reddening of the eyes; slight temporary increase in the rate of heartbeat; cool fingers and toes; mouth gets dry &emdash; "cotton mouth." Cannabis and the cannabinoids are all non-toxic. Smoke itself is an irritant, and bronchial irritation can occur but no direct link to cancers have been proven. Ironically, cannabis is also a vasodilator and bronchodilator, so it can actually help some asthmatics.

There are no deaths that have been attributed to cannabis overdose, but it is possible to have a very unpleasant experience, especially due to the one-hour delay in effect when large amounts of it are eaten. That would be extremely rare, but once you've eaten too much you may need to vomit or just wait it out. That is an advantage to smoked or vaporized cannabis; because the effect is felt almost immediately, it is a simple matter to stop when the desired subjective effect is achieved.

FOOD

Most people get "the munchies" (a strong desire to eat) and say that food tastes exceptionally good, and chocolates or desserts taste even better. Some people say they can taste the separate ingredients in food and distinguish new subtleties in olfactory sensations. A few people experience the opposite effect: a loss of appetite and would rather postpone eating and do something else. Sometimes that is accompanied by a very strong appetite a few hours later. If it kicks in late at night when you should be getting ready for bed, that is where spontanaeity vs. personal responsibility and moderation comes into play.

THINKING/ CONSCIOUSNESS ALTERATION

Consumers may feel a slight euphoria, happiness, or sense of "well-being." Many mundane things suddenly seem more interesting; alive; rich in details. Problems seem less severe and pressing. Stoned thinking has been compared to the indirect move of the knight on a chessboard, as opposed to the direct linear moves of the rook or bishop; like switching between two or more frames of mind. It may take you off on tangents as you follow a train of thought. For some however, thinking may be "foggy;" less clear or focussed. Then there are the times when you just get the giggles and laugh about anything, no matter how silly or ridiculous. You may realize that something that has really been bothering you is actually not such a big deal after all, or that something you overlooked before could be the key to a problem you've been trying to solve. Some people become more observant or self-conscious, and talk less. Others become more spontaneous and sociable.

A profound metaphor may reveal itself with rich implications for your life and destiny. This aspect has led to cannabis being used as a sacrament in many of the world's religions throughout history. There are a variety of Christians, Hindu and Moslems and other denominations who revere cannabis as a sacred plant. Bible scripture is cited to support its use.

PARANOIA / ANXIETY

Some people, especially novice smokers and people living under drug war marijuana prohibition, may feel uncomfortable with the changes they experience while stoned. They may become paranoid or self-conscious, or possibly experience a sense of panic (especially if they ate too much cannabis). This is often triggered by the sudden and often subliminal recognition that the cannabis consumer's heart is beating faster, and just reminding them that this is a normal effect will usually reduce their anxiety. Antidote: This discomfort is usually handled by changing the environment, getting some fresh air and trying to relax. One should lie down, breathe slowly and drink some orange juice. A reassuring friend is also helpful. Remember: No matter what, the effect will wear off in a few hours.

RELAXATION/TIREDNESS

On a physical level, cannabis helps relax muscles and reduces spasms, including those caused by spinal injury or MS. Many adults also often use cannabis to relax and unwind after work, to let go of the day's tensions and adjust their mental attitude. Most people prefer not to smoke when they have a lot of things to get done, because smoking cannabis (especially indica) can sometimes make one tired, sleepy or feeling sluggish. Other people become energized or even hyper when they consume cannabis. Other people find that it gives them a lift and change of perspective to keep them alert.

OVERDOSE?

No one has ever died from consuming cannabis. There is no such thing as a fatal overdose. On the other hand, one can consume more than a comfortable amount, especially when eating or drinking it. Symptoms of overindulgence usually include unpleasant physical reactions or exaggerated psychological emphasis on annoying situations that can lead to paranoia or, rarely, panic. Since the effect of smoking is almost immediate, it is relatively easy to prevent this from occurring by stopping your intake while still at a comfortable level. Any negative effects wear off in a short time and you can often simply lie down and sleep them away. Generally, there is no hangover when you wake up.

SOCIALIZING

Some people enjoy smoking and interacting with others, and feel they enjoy a special communication, bond or connection with other smokers while high. Others may sometimes become quiet, introspective, self-conscious, uncomfortable or have difficulty making conversation and prefer not to be stoned in public or a social situation.

MUSIC

Most people say that music sounds "richer." They can hear sounds differently, more vividly and intensely. Some claim it enhances their ability to hear the distinct lines of several instruments at once and that they better grasp how the various instruments interact to produce the music.

READING

For some reading seems impossible while high as they may forget the beginning of the sentence by the time they get to the end. Stoned readers may at times find themselves reading the same paragraph over again. Stoned readers may at times find themselves reading the same paragraph over and over again. Stoned readers may find themselves reading the exact same paragraph over and over and over again and again. On the other hand, others can focus on it and feel reading is even more enjoyable. When reading imaginative works, being high can increase the sense of empathy and help one to visualize situations.

Excerpted from the Hash, Marijuana, Hemp Museum of Amsterdam

PO Box 2662, 1012 DV Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Seize The Day

As one of our group "activities", it was suggested that we all get a tattoo. This was suggested and I think it's a good fit. This would be my first tattoo, unlike all you Tales.

Carpe Diem - Latin origin meaning, "Seize the Day"

Shoebox Poems #3

December 1, 2008

Change is here; am I ready to embrace it? I've spent years trying to get a hold of my life, my direction, my destiny and still end up lost.

Do I end the bad habits and change to a "darling angel"? Or do I see my actions as depictions of who I really am?

School? Work? What is it all for if I have no direction?

I can taste the flavors of opportunity and smell the scent of disappointment. Do I disappoint myself? To an extent.

How do I make something out of nothing? I have to take the world head on, no holds, no regrets. Carpe Diem!

Am I in a place right now to embark on thin new life chapter?

Shoebox Poems #2

November 1, 2002

Looking out my window these past few weeks have been eventful.
I have seen many images of life which have never exposed themselves to me before.
(Or maybe I have been so consumed with other worldly things that I have never taken time out to notice them)

The seasons change more dramatically here.
There once were the weeks of sun.
A cool breeze here and there, rays of warmth which beamed heavenly upon my fair face.

Then as if without notice, violent rain and mystifying thunder awaken the serenity which we once knew. The rain does pour quite often now; replenishing the ground to ensure a welcomed winter.

As the days flutter by, so do the leaves. This beautiful gift of life stands triumphantly near. Unlike home, the leaves metamorphosize from one magnificent color to the next.

Yet as they wilt and wither away, the soft voluptuous grass becomes engulfed with little signs of fall. They gently descend with a soft blow.

These are treasured developments of our precious nature. I am beginning to embrace change.

Shoebox Poems #1

May 18, 1994

For I look to the sky and what do I see?
I see the limitless clouds as puffy as can be.
I see the dragon fighting with the knight.

For I look at the ground and what do I see?
I see the cool green grass moving in the breeze.
I see ants finding food; the Queen laying eggs.

For I look at the forest and what do I hear?
I hear the raindrops falling from the sky.
To the leaves, Down to the ground.
I hear the birds flying and playing around.

For I look at the ocean and what do I hear?
I hear the waves and the dolphins moving.
Back and forth, Back and forth.
I hear the whales blowing through their blow holes.

I hear and see the things of the Earth.
I love them.
For that is my home.

Growth Though Words Part 1

While moving into my new spot (YAY!), I have been getting pretty EMO (must be a reaction from purchasing skinny jeans). I tend to cry each day at emotions that I have ignored and turned off that are triggered by movies, TV shows, music, books, poems, letters, etc. My rehab guy says that my senses are coming back and to some extent I think it is true. Not so much because they were drowned out from liquor and drugs, but mostly because in the past 5-8 years I have emotionally blocked out a lot of things because I just didn't want to and wasn't ready to deal with them. I was living a fast life and involving myself in anything and everything in order to stay occupied.

Finally, in the past year, I was broken up emotionally. I've come to realize that not too far from when my latest relationship started did I transition into "survival mode" and never came back. Things just kept getting piled on top of more shit and instead of embracing what was going on, I did what I had to do to get through it all, including drinking and drugs. Eventually, my inner self was lost and my soul was fighting to break through and return to who I really was. I think that for some time I was scared to be true to myself because I hadn't come to appreciate the characteristics and pieces of me. Facing life and all it has given me, is putting me through and takes me to while on my sober journey is very surreal. For the first time in a long time I have all my belongings with me. All my pictures, letters, cards, poems, clothes, music and memories. I've taken the past week to settle in and go through my junk; sorting out what is needed and what is not. In doing so, I've come across a number of mementos that returns me to places I have forgotten, or blocked out. I have come a long way in my 25 years and going through old shoe boxes of yearly tokens have allowed me to appreciate who I am because of where I have been as well as motivate and strengthen me to go where I want to.

I am so thankful for all the blessings God has given me and the people He has put in my life for (as the saying goes) "a reason, season, or lifetime." I have dodged injury and death numerous times because of my shortcomings and risen out of darkness on a few occasions only to be bright as the sun once again. With each challenge, I face it head on and come out a wiser woman. In my classes I listen to people's struggles and adversities along with their triumphs and I smile. As one person put it, "life is not perfection, but progress." I am progressing and growing into a beautiful butterfly, and after my first 25 years, I feel that I am just now breaking out of my cocoon and am ready to spread my wings.

iFly Hollywood

so ladies... what do you think???
http://x17online.com/celebrities/victoria_beckham/posh_soars_to_new_heights-03022009.phpmaybe we can try this before the real deal?

Anger Management for Rude People

Anger Management for Rude People
When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don't know!

[When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know - take it out on someone you don't know…]

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Rachel's correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again…

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You're a scumbag!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'scumbag' next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, “You're a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'scumbag' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That's because you're a scumbag!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.”
“What's your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When's a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I'm home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Don, you're a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.”
“You're a scumbag!” (But I didn't hang up…)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I'm really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I'll…”
“You'll what?” I said.
“I'll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.

There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now I feel a lot better…

I just wanna say.....

You bitches are crazy! I am NOT jumpin out no dag on plane! That is that! So bizarre you called me with this the other day when just a few hours before my boy was trying to talk me into it. I don't know what's wrong with you all but I wanna live, and it is very likely I will die doing that. If not from asthma or a heart attack, then from impact! lol

por vida bitches

Oh gals. I feel ya both. Especially now. My man is still outta town with 5 weeks left...


How I wish I was able to be with my friends from the West Coast. Tejas is wonderful, but it makes sense to me why people fall in love with Cali. My time there was like nothing I've ever experienced before and it's RARE to find a group of gals in which I felt totally comfortable with. I miss those days of nail salons, shopping sprees and burrito shop. Sad things can never be like that again. It all seems so different now with everyone doing their own things all around the country (and god knows where else!) I miss feeling the freedom we had all those days ago. I say we should all meet up soon!


Road trip!!!!!

Yes?

I Spy..... what???

Thought of a special someone after watching this video!!!!

Love & Hate

So after reading Cocktales last post I decided to write my own.  I understand completely where she is coming from.  Im so far from all my true friends that, even though I know I am truely blessed with having such amazing friends I feel very much alone and lonely as well.   I can't wait til I can be close to them again.  I love where I am at in my life right now with my career and my goals and school, however I wish I was in this same position but across the country.  Very soon though.   

I think I am finally getting to know where I need to be in my life and it is all slowly coming together.  I have dumped the old and am ready for the new.  I have "X"ed all the bad seeds in my life as far as significant others (bonfire here I come) and also friends....   

Still feeling Lonely While totally surrounded

why do i sometimes feel so lonely even when i'm totally surrounded by loved ones??

i've started on a very new and bright shiny path with my life, and yet sometimes i stop and think and feel very lonely. is this normal?

i'd really be nowhere without my friends, thank goodness for them! i don't want to complain or sound bitchy, but i guess today is just one of those lonely days...

Psycho babble

I loooove this Blogger idea. :)

Anywho... Here it goes...

I think a great way to understand male-female relationships and attraction is to look at how the Greeks understood it. The Greeks thought God created one supreme sex before he created males and females. However, that one sex got very powerful, and the gods started to fear them, so they decided to split the one sex into males and females. Therefore, humans wouldn´t be busy anymore with seeking to challenge the gods in greatness, but they would be on a quest to unite with their other half. Because without their other half they aren´t able to be great and to do godlike things like creating new humans. So, we as human beings are incomplete and the other sex makes us whole.




So. As you may or may not know about me, I'm planning to go back to school and dig into my psych degree. It's my niche. lol. Now that you know this...


can you guys do me a huge favor???



http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp



do it and tell me what your results are please. It'll help me tons and tons. And probably help you too. ;)

Symmetry,he's just like me......

Riddle me this.....
Some of you know about some of the grim and psychotic conditions I grew up in. Only one person in the world knows about it all. And most people I have shared details of my life with have responded to me with admiration, and amazement that I am still alive, and for the most part sane.

It is very rare for me to run across someone from a similar type of dysfunctional past who hasn't fallen victims to the sins of their parents. But when I do, it is oh so nice to feel that someone truly understands, and can relate. Having overcome all that I have has been a blessing and a curse all rolled into one. I tend to attract crazy people, and can't help myself from trying to help or "fix" them. Hence, my last relationship.

I know deep down that man has a good heart, but his head is fucked.He can't get passed the things he's been through. He sees his self as a victim, and because of that, he will always be a victim. Not to compare, because everyone is different, but my life has been just as bad if not worse. I could easily be a drug addict, prostitute or even dead if I had a defeaters attitude.

But, I am a mighty BULL! I will not be defeated. I will not scum to the ugliness of this world when there is still so much beauty left in it. And until now, I did not know that it is this very quality I need in a man.

I could never see myself with a rich college grad from a 2 parent home. I always felt, not necessarily that I wasn't good enough, but that someone of that caliber would not understand my life, my choices, and my family. I guess subconsciously I set my sights lower, hoping to find someone who could relate. Problem is, most individuals who might be able to relate on one level or another, have also let themselves fall victim to their environments. They have issues and/or rely on drugs to escape. And try as I might to "help or fix" them, you can't help somebody that doesn't want to help themselves.

To my great amazement, I have been blessed with a man who is not only the ultimate giver, provider, lover. He is a survivor. He has gone through some of the craziest shit I have ever heard. And he is not invincible, he has had to stumble, crawl and fight for his sanity, for his freedom, for a better life. At 28 he has beat incredible odds. And all he wants is to be successful, to be happy and to be loved. He is focused, but haunted. Just like me. He is just like me, but maybe even stronger. The more time we spend, the more incredible and mysterious our coming together seems. He is just what I needed, and I think I may be just what he needed. Like-minded with similar goals, and even more identical pasts.

He has me so high on life, I may never come down! Symmetry.

Hyper-Mammary

So I've lost my scarf and have decided to wait until fall to get ma titties. In lieu of my decision, I have invested in one of these....



Christmas gift anyone??? LOL

Insanity

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” ~ Albert Einstein



I was his living definition. I consciously awoke as my steel framed black BMW scrapped hurriedly along the side of the neighboring SUV. My mind was in a scramble as I tried to gain focus and explain to myself what had just occurred. In a panic of realization, my foot became steel as I sped off as quickly as possible to regain awareness of what seemed to be a horrible dream that I was all too familiar with. “Oh God, this cannot be happening again!”

It was a beautiful March afternoon in 2008 and I was feeling great about where I was heading. I had been clean and sober for three months, back in the gym regularly and just beginning a path of focus, determination, and self-empowerment. It was at this junction in my life that I became blindsided by love once again.

One sunny Tuesday afternoon I was approached by a fellow gym member while entering the facility. I was startled, yet pleasantly surprised. He definitely caught my attention and my flustered clumsiness was an embarrassing giveaway. Our quick introductions were merely small talk compared to millions of thoughts and questions running rapid in our heads. He politely engaged in a swift series of questions to which I merely brushed off as typical pickup lines from a guy at the gym. His forwardness was impressive, but it was his swagger that charmed me. Intrigued from a distance, I noticed his focus and intensity while working out. He too was observing the same mannerisms with me. It was then that our curiosities got the best of us. That afternoon we exchanged numbers and that same Friday we were on our first date. Since that night, we were inseparable. Fascinated with each other, we obsessively were unable to let each other go. It was then that I knew I was falling in love.

The first month was interesting to say the least. I remember asking him questions about himself and distinctly recall his statement, “Getting to know each other is the easy part!” What a statement. During this first month, I was introduced to his 15 year old son and became aware of a pregnant ex-girlfriend claiming her child was his. It was daily harassment from this woman including phone calls to my number (which she obtained after breaking into his online phone account) and constant knocks on his door throughout all hours of the day and night. This woman was crazy! She imposed threats to each of us individually as well as with law enforcement claiming radical scenarios in order to blackmail him back into a relationship with her. I should have taken heed of this immediate red flag; however my heart had already hopelessly fallen in love with this man. It was a connection I had never experienced before and would have injected it intravenously if it was possible. It was at this time that his ex-girlfriend could no longer stand to be an afterthought and she voluntarily called in a fallacious domestic violence complaint against him. The police showed up at his job and arrested him on an outstanding traffic warrant. While in jail, a second warrant in Kentucky regarding nonpayment of child support for another child he has was revealed. This monumental event in our relationship started the unfolding of a number of lies and hidden deceit on his part. Unfortunately, love is blind.

During his five weeks in jail, we talked regularly and devised a plan to move forward and put all the dramatics behind us. Once released, he moved into my two bedroom apartment where our life together was to consummate. I was working and he was frantically trying to regain his clients again while working as a personal trainer at a gym in Escondido. Within three weeks of freedom he was incurring income, got a phone, obtained a vehicle and was handling business. It was such a relief to know that all the talk while in jail was coming to life.

As the months passed by and the economy was plummeting, my work slowed down tremendously, his monetary contributions become highly inconsistent and it was clear that we needed a roommate immediately to help us out financially. Fortunately, at this exact moment, one of his friends was looking for a place to live. After spending a few nights hanging out with his friend, added to my struggle with sobriety, my gut feeling was this was not a good idea. However, the financial burdens that we were incurring clouded my judgment and I agreed to let his friend move in.

All too soon things began to fall apart. My boyfriend spent more and more time partying and involving himself in a fast lifestyle that I had been all too familiar with growing up. His behavior was abnormal, his priorities in disarray, and our so-called future was slipping away day by day. Having come from an environment where drugs, alcohol and violence were a norm amongst my peers, I immediately noticed the warning signs he was developing. We continuously got into arguments, some verbal – some physical, while I tried to plead with him regarding my concerns and fears. We struggled with money and it seemed to always be the focal point of our anger because he would use his money on things other than bills and necessities. I did what I had to do to try and make ends meet and I felt as if I was being taken advantage of. This caused a huge wedge in our relationship.

One day we agreed to make an effort to get things back on track. I was going to enroll in school and he would take on a second job. Each of us had our individual stresses; he and his “baby mama drama” and me with my schooling. It was hard. There would be good days and bad, but it felt as if the bad days were empowering over the good and we were fighting to stay together.

One night he got a call from his mother to pick up his father (who he had not had contact with in over 10 years) from the bus stop. He needed medical attention immediately and no one was willing to help. That night we took him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. His father is 61. He had no place to go, no money, no food and no help so we took him into our home. It was now four people in a two bedroom apartment and still no money. By the grace of God, my boyfriend got an offer for us to live free in a larger two bedroom place that one of his clients owned. Instead of paying rent, my boyfriend would give the client free training. We gladly accepted this offer and moved in right away. This eliminated a significant portion of our monthly debt plus we still had the roommate’s contributions. Things were looking up! Unfortunately, our situation went downhill. The roommate stopped paying, moved two girls to his room, was dealing drugs out of the house, liquor was flagrantly left out and his father was literally dying on our couch refusing medical attention.

All this was going on while I was fighting to stay clean and in school. I had dropped 20lbs and had not been to the gym in over four months. I was slowly withering away. The final two months was a rollercoaster of emotions as I tried to figure out how we got to this point and if we could ever get back on track. In December, I snapped. I was unable to handle all the stress that had piled up and within 24 hours I had packed up everything in the house, put it in storage, took both cars and moved out. My environment was no longer positive and it was destroying me. I had lost myself. In looking for a savior, I found an empty dream. I was waiting in vain for the impossible.

However, 30 days of separation from my boyfriend induced a trip to Vegas for Superbowl weekend with friends. It was shallow fun. We talked about “us” and how we thought we could finally survive this traumatic struggle for love. We vowed each would honestly try our best to work through our impediments and agreed to get married, move back in together and eventually have children. That following day, back in San Diego, I caught him cheating. His infidelity and ulterior motives were revealed and my heart was irrevocably broken. I was resentful and had animosity towards him and wanted to drown my feelings out. A victim of my emotions, I ingested a slew of pomegranate martinis within a three hour period. How could the man I loved so dearly, my comforter, my lover, my friend, my heart, be no more? I left the restaurant with no destination in mind; it didn’t matter. I didn’t care. I just wanted to go. It was at that moment when it all went black.

My downfall continued three more miles where I finally pulled over. Thankfully, no one was hurt when I hit the car. The police were called, and I was arrested for my 3rd DUI, along with a hit and run charge. My BAC was over twice the limit and I was booked into Las Colinas Detention Facility. It was a place I was quite familiar with. That was my final breaking point. I realized that I was powerless over alcohol - that my life had become unmanageable. I was living Einstein’s theory.

Since that day I have been clean and sober, changed my environment and have been focusing on the positive moves I will do to get my life on a path of success. I have not had any type of contact with my ex-boyfriend or anyone who was associated with him. I have moved into a sober living environment, attend AA and rehab three times a week and continue to go to school. I have lost both my cars, my license and have a lot of legalities to go through but one thing is certain, I am finally free to find myself again and I feel wonderful. Thank God I am alive!

Bad News Bears Bonfire

The date is TBA as well as location, but start saving your bonfire fuel NOW!



The ulitimate chapter closing, man hating event of the year! LOL

The boys have been kicked to the curb, now it's time for their shit to be burned for to never return. This will be a first bonfire for me, and I can't wait to fire it up. I didn't think about the bonfire until later on AFTER I had already ditched a lot of his stuff to the trash, but I still have one more storage locker to clear out that i'm sure has got some good stuff that will bring about a nice blaze.

We've got the wood covered.. ;-), thx Tattle!

xxoo CT

Closed the Condo Chapter

YAY! I'm happy to report that I'm finally finished!! Talk about getting a gorilla off my back!

Dumped and Pumped!

Out with the old and on with the new, exciting and unknown!

Has anyone else noticed that all us 'TALES' have finally ditched the dead weight and have started on a better and brighter path?? I'm totally over-joyed and things just seem to be falling into place for all of us. Hold on tight ladies, I have a feeling things are going only get better from here on out!



Thank You!

I gotta new!

Alright, so this blog spot is filled with rants and I just want to Rave bout my new.....(shut up and let me cheese it up a minute)
I really put my all into my last relationship. Way more that I have to give was taken. I mean this man was down and out. Depressed jobless at times, always short on dough. Drama. Baby momma bullshit. I mean the works. I had never dated anyone with children and I moved him in my place with two. And, his children, God bless them, are wonderful. I really had a good loving connection with them both. They will be missed. Can't say that bout their daddy.

So to meet a man who is only concerned about my happiness, my comfort, my well being, is not only mind blowing, but eye opening. I don't have to do all the giving. And even though its my persona, it is so very refreshing to be around someone who treats me like a Queen, for really tho. Like a Queen. It makes me want to please him, cause all he wants to do is please me.

How could I have been stuck on stupid like I was with a man like this floating around?

Oh, oh I like my new!

Nigga Please, Stop Being the Bitch in the Relationship!

Ok, so breaking up is hard to do. We all know that. And many of us have stayed in fucked up/ unhappy relationships for waaay longer than we should. When this sort of thing occurs, there are a number of ways it will finally come to an end. Most are bad, some are really bad.

As, you may know I have just completed wasting almost one year of my life, on a no good, lying, cheating, single father of 2, life sucking pot head. I will give him the credit of saying he does have some good in his heart, but his short comings have long since diminished any appreciation I might have had for that.

I have been fighting bitterly to get this man out of my house for approx. 3 months. I had fallen victim to the "let's try in make it work " trap a few times, all the while growing cold, bitter and numb. With the new year I had decided to get my life back and be firm and involve the law if necessary. So, again as we were winding down to the last 3 weeks he has to be in my home, and mind you we have barely been speaking for 2 months. I sorta fell into the trap again. Though this time, I did some checking up on him and called it all off within the first 2 days. Why? Because although it was he who asked me, to give us another shot, "for just 7 days, lets see how it goes" it was he who continued communications with whatever new bitch he'd found. So I basically said Fuck it.

Karma, what a friend! She has always had my back! It happens that I have had the opportunity to connect with an actual "grown ass man" who has his shit together. Who is kind and considerate beyond anything I have known in a relationship in a VERY long time. I have been spending a lot of time with this new fella. And apparently had a few monkey bites.

Now honestly, I had no intentions of telling the ex I'd met someone, and rubbing it in his face was NOT on the agenda. I mean he owes me $ and with just 2 weeks left to go he's liable to get crazy. But he noticed them. And asked about it.

I did good , I was calm, and vague, avoided arguing tho, he tried real hard to engage me. But what was killing me is how he suddenly became the bitch in the relationship.

"LOVE, is a special word, I mean you shouldn't play with that..." NIGGA PLEASE! All of the time I caught this man cheating, all the bullshit he's pulled he had the balls to tell ME! I could give a fuck! Love didnt stop him from kissing me good bye in the morning then hopping on Blackplanet to cybermack. Love didn't stop him from trying to hook up with the 19yr old down the way from our apt. And Love surely didn't make him hold to the "7days of lets make it work". Now he's crying like a bitch.

Nigga Please!

Words of Wisdom 2/10/2009

I have a friend that sends me words of encouragement and/or quotes from other people that really make a lot of sense.. Since they make me smile, I thought I'd share them with the group..

--If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -- Catherine Aird

This one had me lmao, but it's sooo true. it doesn't apply to me, but i'm sure we all have someone that fits this description quite well, keep it in the vault and use when needed, repeat if desired. LOL

Fly AZN Rappers, YO

These guys are way hot!



hehe

Getting my Life Back to Order

Many things have gotten done in the past week with my move and the re-arragnement of mi vida loca.. I'm finally beginning to see the light @ the end of the tunnel.

It's amazing what a little bit of good karma will get you in return.. i was able to bless someone, who moved out to san diego with nothing, with a bunch of furniture, and in return he's blessed me with all the help as well as use of his van to move the rest of my stuff to my storage! how cool is that?? looks like closing that chapter of my life is going to be a lot less painful than i had anticipated.. i couldn't be more stoked about that!

it just goes to show, what goes around comes around. :)

The Black List

"Feel free to hate on ME!"

1. GroupieLuv
2. ChocoPB
3. Wackness part Deux
4. OG BNB
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

As Blunt as it Gets

One more thing for the day......  I had to share this with you.  There is a certain girl out here that I have gone back and forth with who does nothing but lie.   To give you a hint she has a chocolate and peanut butter candy named after her.  Well apparently she thought it was a good idea to talk shit saying myself and my friend have too much drama.... bitch please sooo I gave her a lil piece of my mind, this is what I wrote!!!!

Bitch how the fuck r u gonna say that r****n and I have drama when u have more drama than anyone I have ever met... Between an 800 hundred dollar car payment that u can't afford to 15000 in bills that ur stupid ass let a fuckin prick ass bf rack up.... How stupid can u be u dumb slut.  You go thru friends like u go thru fuckin underwear not to mention the fact that u think u fall in love withj every guy that shows u any type of attention.   U have a dumb ass ex bf that won't give you ur stuff back because ur stupid enough to not take it when u move out, well guess what bitch possesion is 9 tenths of the law so kiss ur sorry ass shit goodbye.   U lie more than any other person I have ever met and I think u should consider going to see a psychologist better yet go see a psycho-therapist because I think they might be able to help u out a lil bit since they specialize in psychos.  U wanna say ur too busy all the time but what do u do bartend on the weekends and just so u know ur a shitty ass bartender as it is who is rude and thinks she is better than everybody, but the sad thing is ur so stupid u don't realize if u went back to school u could have a better job and actually be able to afford ur car.   Oh and by the way don't try and say u have a degree in marketing because u can't get a bachelors degree from the community college that's ur associates but unfortunately u don't have that either.   Otherwise you wouldn't have had to take gen ed classes at a university. Oh wait it doesnt matter anyways cause u dropped out.... So don't you ever say r****n and I have drama.... When ur the one who is the common factor in everything from loosing ur friends on a consistant basis to going thru 20 bf's in a matter of 3 years.  Dont hate on r****n cause ur jealous of the the life she has cause she is happily married with 2 beautiful kids and that's obviously what u want so bad in ur life that u have to be envious and jealous of her that ur so quick to jump and say ur in love with the first guy that u see..... So go ahead and be jealous talk shit say we have drama but deep down know that ur the one with the issues and the problems like being a pathologoical liar that can't keep a friend or bf longer than 6 months..... Oh yeah and by the way I did sleep with robby!!!!

Oh yeah next time try and pass ur self off for canadian and having lived in huntington beach.......  Realize u need to know ur timelime and obviously u only lived in cali for what 4 months when u were a baby so don't ever say u know shit about california..... As far as canada I doubt u have ever even been there u probably are canadian but have never even been there seeing as most ur family lives in the northern united states..... Remember when r****n and I asked u to give us a timeline of where u lived and u couldn't even do it that goes to show how much of a liar u are.  Or the fact that u have had 2 breast reductions Bulshit.....   Just face it ur a liar and ull never be a good one cause ur shit never makes sense......  U have never been pregnant so stop trying to tell ppl u have u fucking lying ass bitch!!!

So yeah the bitch never responded, how the hell would you respond to that anyways???

I've Been Burgled!

When it rains, does it fucking POUR!

it's bad enough that i've having to start my life completly over at almost 30 years of age, but to make matters worse... I've been fucking robbed!

i am in the process of moving out my old place and my landlord is fucking pissed off... i guess so pissed off @ me that she decided to ROB me and take my personal belongings out of my place while i have been gone.. and might i add, the most odd and random items??

-- northface jacket, size 2x! (the lady is 5 feet tall and about 150 lbs)
-- perfect push up
-- tool box with tools
-- safe, with nothing in it, she even left behind the packet with the combination, wtf? lol
-- ab straps for a perfect pull up, that was LEFT behind still installed
-- the telephone system with answering machine and all 3 handsets... BUT left the other 2 base chargers
-- a small blue bag with used sex toys, letters from the EX while he was locked up(are you that bored you wanna read letters like that??) a boustierre 32b, the bitch has DD's, a pair of stockings (eww, really gonna wear someone elsesstockings??)
-- lots of irreplaceable custom designed jewelry with precious stones
-- watches, earings and necklaces
-- small nic-nacs from all over the world from friends who have traveled (also irreplaceable)

those who know me know how i feel about material stuff... to me it's just stuff... but what pisses me off is that it was stolen from me.. i don't steal from others, and i can't stand DISHONEST people. part of the reason why the ex and i are no longer together... he's a dishonest theif.

so i've called the po-po and filed a report, not like they can really do much and of course the ho denied everything.. whatever. KARMA is a fucking bitch, and when people wrong me, i don't wrong them back, i just wait and let them self destruct.. it totally works every fucking time.... Just ask Tattle... she's seen it happen to one person in particular.. LOL

New Beginnings with Old Friends

Not quite sure about this whole blog thing, but I guess I'll try it out.  I've recently been trying to figure things out as to what I want to do as I finish school and in my personal life.   Decided Im going try to live the single life YAY!!  I talked with my dad and figured out my move.  He is going to take me to Jamaica for the 4th of July and then drive all my stuff out to Cali for me.  Now the only question is San Diego, Orange County, or LA.  I'll figure everything out in time though Im sure.

Sping Collection 2009

I heard that these are the new fashion out at Morley Field. Complete with colorful wristbands and all...disc golf anyone?!

Where is the Uterus?

Ok.. so we all know Ricky Martin had twin boys...

but.... where is the Uterus?

http://babyrazzi.com/baby/2009/01/27/ricky-martin-out-for-a-stroll-with-his-twin-sons/

I Fucking Hate Jessica Alba

Everywhere this ho goes she thinks she's better than everyone..

here is her latest little fucking media spat.. http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.eonline.com/80980- with Bill O'Riley of all people.. Bitch, grow the fuck up and go take care of your little 'Honor', could she have chosen anymore of a wack boujee name??? oh wait, her husband's name is Cash... rotflmfao, yeah sure it's about love.

i just want to kick her in the vaj. maybe she'll go back to Malibu compound and just fucking stay there.

Mic Check.. 1-2

Is This Thing On??

So begins another TALE... a Cock Tale..

Saturday was filled with kisses and a delicious goat cheese omelette from La Valencia Hotel! What more could a girl ask for? It was LONG overdue and i'm happy to report totally worth the wait.. gotta love a delicous... oh, and WELL indowed man with fabulous hair and an accent that could cause a creamy sensation in any girls 501's.

ok.. not much for a first blog, but hey give me a break, it's kinda hard to talk about something when it's not happening as often as one may like. :(

So Close I Could Taste It!

I'm fucking pissed!

For the past 2 months I have been patiently anticipating the arrival of Lil Toonchi in Dago. I wanted to see Him when He was in LA and my so-called "hook-up" at Live Nation is a douche. He told me that he wasn't able to get me tickets because it was completely sold out and it was out of his district. Fine. I can deal with that. What trips me out though is that not more than 2 weeks later do I get a call from him saying that He will be in SD the third week in January, but to keep it on the low low cuz nobody knows of His arrival yet. Said that he'd hook me up with tickets since he couldn't at the LA show. AWESOME! Not only do I get to get close enough to catch the sweat off his sexy ass (and possibly cop a feel), the $90 tickets are comped! Definitely a good handoff. It pays to be patient.....sometimes.

A week ago, I get a follow-up call from my "hook-up" saying that I'm all set to go for the concert with 2 tickets, on the floor, and to get there early to get a good spot. DONE! I'm there!

Tonight is the performance. Starts at 7pm. Where am I? In front of a computer writing this fucking thing. Yes, that was bitterness in my tone. At 430pm, after 2 failed attempts at calling and 1 text message unanswered, I get a call from my "hook-up" saying that he is sorry, but he was so wrapped up in whatever he was doing this weekend and completely spaced out and never put any tickets at will call for me. Fucking prick! What I don't get, is why the fuck did he call me last week to confirm everything was okay and never follow through?! I more than compensate him for the connect, and have done so in the past, however, it just so happens that out of all the concerts to flake out on...he chooses this one! "I'll get you passes to another concert to make up for this one!" he says. Horse Shit! I don't want to go to another person's whack ass show...I want my dred-headed, southern swaggered bobblehead!

So as the night ends, my Bitter Betty depressed ass is chillin...about to get LaLa'd. Imma suck his dick one day damnit!!!

Weekend Warrior Wears The Dunce Cap!

A wrap up of my weekend should definitely be an interesting and humorous topic of conversation today. I'll start with me, locking myself out of my car, while it was running and parked in front of an Exit gate! Ugh, only I would do something like that. But wait, it gets better...The reason why I was unable to return back to my car was because the door has no handle. Yes, I said NO handle. The game has been for the past 2 months with Prowler (my car) is that because there is no handle, and it costs ruffly $490 to replace , I have to hold down the unlock button in order to roll the windows down so I can reach in, and open the door. Knowing this, I still managed to abruptly jump out of my car, while exiting out of my storage unit, to run something back to my brother, when my door slammed shut and I not longer had access. F*#@! A mere 40min later, and making a stop off at my friend's for the spare key, I was back on track and headed to "the movies". At that point, I thought I might take a break and see the new Underworld movie but somehow I just couldn't get that motivated....time for Plan B.

My detour from the theater had led me to enjoy the (High Quality off course LOL) bootleg versions of: Slumdog Millionaire and Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist. Have to say, I wasn't that impressed at the latter. I enjoyed it, however, I thought it would have been a bit more funny than it was. Michael Cera played a mediocre role and seemed to be more reserved. Not really what I was expecting. Maybe I was just more interested in seeing a somewhat hilarious screen play to help brighten my Dunce Cap Night. This one definitely was not.

I enthusiastically broke my legs on Saturday. Haha! My girl and I had a nice little rendezvous at the Gym. Mind you, this is my first time back in a good 4 months! Can I tell you how SORE I am now?! UGH! Another Dunce Cap Moment! Unfortunately, I thought it would be a great idea to pep myself up by downing 8oz. of liquid Hydroxycut. What a dumbass!

So after that final stint, I was more or less moving my legs as least as possible LOL! I did get a bit of good new though...I was invited to spend the weekend in Vegas to celebrate the SuperBowl. Damn! Vegas again?? That sounds like a whole lot of trouble to me!! Haha! Who's coming with me?!

Sunday turned into Recovery Day, while Monday school started again. Welcome back!

Getting Started...

After a few days of deliberation, and a bit of nervousness, I've decided to write my first blog. This past weekend, I have gone back and forth as to how I would begin, and I am finally ready.
Okay, here we go...

This blog space was created as an open, intriguing, and fun way to reminisce,with friends, (and soon to be friends) about times had, ones presently, and those geared towards the future. It is meant to capture and express the honesty and truth that holds together the greatest of friendships.

I am new to this, so please be patient with me while I learn the ropes!